What some don't realize, is that others are not always as fragile and lost, as some may think.

Give others some credit.
Let them be and just do your own thing.

Realize, that others just don't want the same things as you ..and its only so disappointing because some one already told them self they would just always be there in the lives of others.

But it diddnt work out that way.

What some people want, is not always whats meant for others and some people have to deal with that.


.....


Just don't forget that others have to as well, whether some believe it or not.

It takes 2 and it breaks 2.

Your suposed to be the healthy one...

I'm in the car with my dad.
We usually just listen to sports radio, hes not really a talker, and I'm not good at trying to get him to talk, even casually.

Driving

He says he has some news....that its not so good. He says it with a little chuckle..like he always does to break tension.
___________________________________________

Dad: "I went to the doctor last week. Remember? When I took the day off?"

Me: "Ya, I remember" (instantly I grow nervous...)

Dad: "Well theres a chance, small chance, I might have prostate cancer."

Me: speechless and welling up in the eyes

Dad: " Thats just the first part"

Me: "What? theres more? Oh god"

Dad: "Its not a big deal, but he said he noticed something with my heart, thats all"

Me: "WHAT?!?!?!? OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, DADDY ARE YOU ALRIGHT? ARE YOU GOING TO BE OK?"

Dad: "I'm fine, nothings going to be wrong, there just taking tests, I'm fine"

Me: " I love you dad."

Dad: "Oh come on now, relax. I'm fine, when the tests come back you'll see. Worst case scenario, you will get insurance money."

*Yes he actually said that, But it was really a sad attempt at breaking the tension again*

Me: "OH MY GOD DAD! THATS TERRIBLE, DON'T EVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN"

Dad:" Relax Gail, we don't know anything for sure, I'll be fine"
____________________________________________________

The drive went as usual after that.
Quiet.
I'm at home now, quietly blogging about it....



AND I'M FREAKING OUT INSIDE.

Valentines day made me vomit...

No...really! It did! I have been barfing for 2 days now! Dr. says I have the stomach flu. I can't eat cause I puke, I can't drink cause I puke. I have the worst stomach cramps I have ever felt and I had a fever yesterday that just subsided today. I feel like a bag of crap. Just kill me now.

I woke up today...and couldn't see...

So Last night I had a really bad headache, so I went to bed in hopes it would go away.
Well it didn't. When I woke up today, at 3:00 am, I was in the most excruciating pain. It had turned into one of my famous violent migraines.

Completely debilitating and extremely painful. They started happening when I was 8, just after I got out of the hospital. I had Encephalitis, witch is the swelling of the brain. I had to learn how to do EVERYTHING again. Talking, eating walking....EVERYTHING.

Can you imagine what its like to have to go through that? I was even put back into the same grade, even though I had not maintained the same level of knowledge I once had. It was so difficult, I shouldn't have passed my classes, but they pushed me on so they didn't disturb my social development. MORONS!!

Since then, I get really bad headaches, but once and a while, I get the most brutal migraines. There so bad I cant move faster then a snails pace or it throbs even more from the movement, and it even effects my eyesight. I get these black, moving splotches in my sight, and I cant see well at all. I have to keep my eyes closed and be in a dark room to keep the pain down.

I have this prescription pill that I take and it usually helps get rid of it with in an hour, but it knocks me out so badly I cant stay up or work and I'm forced to sleep it off. This is the most frustrating thing to deal with. Not only does it feel like my eyes are being stabbed repeatedly with a rusty spike, but I am completely useless. I cant work, talk very much, or even move much.

I wish I could get a brain transplant.