I got a phone call on saturday, from my father. He said hi, and then passed the phone to my brother. I was so worried that somthing was terribly wrong..... its not offten I get a call from dad, no less my brother. As I stand there wondering who must have died...mom?...grandma? (that would be a fucking blessing)....he tells me the most wonderfull news I have hered in a long time, he told me that he asked Pam to marry him, and she said YES!!! I flipped!! My big brother is getting married! I know they will eventualy have kids (taking the pressure off me to produce offspring) Pam will be a wonderfull mother, she is such a sweet girl, and so cute! They will be adorable babies!
I spoke to her on the phone, and congradulated her. I told her how I allways knew that she would be the one David would marry.
Dispite all this good news, I have this huge feeling of fear. Fear that things are once again changing. New family dinamics are comming about,new obligations and relationships. Not that its bad or negative nessisarily, but just that its different. (I have major issues with change, more so the anticipation of change)
On a more positive note, Pam is like an angel for me, because I know that she will be the link that will keep me and my brother together. You see, we dont have a very open comunication, me and my brother. We had a rough childhood, and I think there is alot of resentment being harboured towards me. Not that I blame him. We have recently started to put things behind us, and I think it will continue to get better from here on. I realy like Pam, and if I can start a good sister-in-law relationship with her, I think we all will be very close in the future. Pam dosnt have any siblings, and I want to be a good sister-in-law for her. I think its because my mother has a terrible relationship with my fathers sister. She is a horrible person, and my mother hads allways tryed her best to save face. I dont see that hapining with Pam. She so sweet and nice.
Anyway, I can only do my best, and try to stay involved with the family.I tend to keep my privacey and distance, witch can me mistaken for rudeness or lack of care.
Life is beginning for them.....but it makes me kinda sad too....
When is MY life going to start???

Make of it what you will...