SHHHHHHHHH.......

STOP CRYING.
STOP SHOWING YOUR EMOTIONS
STOP REACHING OUT
STOP LISTENING TO THE THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD
STOP BEING EMOTIONALY DEPENDANT
STOP TELLING PEOPLE
STOP CARING
STOP BEING SELF DESTRUCTIVE
STOP HATEING YOURSELF
STOP HATEING EVERYONE ELSE
STOP BEING SO LOUD
STOP ASKING QUESTIONS
STOP THINKING THAT PEOPLE ACTUALY CARE
STOP SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILER
STOP SMOKING POT
STOP FORGETTING
STOP REMEMBERING
STOP EXPRESSING
STOP LIVING

What do you do when your mother tells you shes going to kill herself when no ones watching....and she says its because of you...?....

I broke down today at work....I just couldnt take the ache anymore.

In the words of Courtney Love: "someday you will ache like I ache"

The pressure has become to much....far too much...and I know its not over yet.



What do you do when no one believes you.....and your big brother saw it happen but wont admit it?.....

How do you show your face, knowing everyone thinks you lied...?...

What do you say after 11 yrs when you finaly get the chance to confront the bastard?....

How do you tell your parents they fucked you up?...or do you not tell them, cause your afraid one of them will kill themselves?...

How do you decide to "fix" yourself, after years of represhion?......

How do you let people know the mental state your in, without looking or acting completely insane?...

How do you trust someone with your feelings, in an environment that is cold and heartless?....

I feel like I dont know myself anymore....did anyone see where I left my soul? I cant find it...

Hey folks!
So....its been a few days, but Im back.

SPECIAL MESSAGE:
To: Annk: I want that boy! Its not fair that I cant have him because you cant have him. Sorry hun, but Im makin moves this weekend. lol Deal with it!

Ok, and now some exciting news, well for me anyway. Yesterday I went out to Best Buy, with
my buddy John, and I came home with this:
YAY a NEW LAPTOP...all to myself!!
Im super happy, cause now I can actualy go on the internet while im NOT at work, and actualy DO some work while Im there! YAY TEAM GAIL!
I also bought a super cute white leather purse from aldo...soo cute=)
Im very excited that I can blog more offten and take more time making my entries more amusing. Ok, also...Im happy cause I can have porn again! lol Just kidding.....no really....Im joking. Geez, What kind of person do you think I am? Woops! how did this pic get here?????

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/


These are 2 post cards i found, that personaly spoke to me. I got them from a site called postsecret. This is truly a wonderfull, freeing, emotional site, and I strongly advise you to check it out on a regular basis. Its like therapy..in the mail...

On the up side, last week I went to the local Crusin' Car Show, in Milton. I had a blast! I went with my best friends Annk and Marissia.
We strolled along gawking at all the old cars ( I love old cars!) and posing beside them. It was so much fun! After the car show, we decided to go to to a local bar ( one that I particularly DO NOT LIKE because of the amount of white trash that is in attendance) and partyed it up old skool! lots of drinks for all, and we busted our moves all over the dance floor! See......I DO have friends...lol

This is how i feel today......