I awoke today around 8:00, and couldnt force myself to sleep in.My thoughts were racing around in circles.
Its a grey cloudy day, making it hard to keep cheery.
Ive decided that I need to realy distance myself from certain members of my family, and define my relationships with some of the others. Easy to say, hard to do.
I dont want to fell obligated, or guilted anymore. Ive done that for too long, and its time to take back MY LIFE! I need to do things for myself, not for everyone else. My therapists says Ive been doing everything for everyone but myself, and that its realy unhealthy. (I could have told her that!) Ive spent 12 years putting a fake smile on my face, and pretending like everything is ok, because my family wanted me to. It stops here and now.I reffuse to be what they want me to be. (again, easy to say hard to do)
I broke down like this once before, when I was about 13. But, it was much worse than, and Im scared that I might get to that low point again. Amongst all the possitive talk, I still have reacuring negative, harmfull thoughts, and its hard to snap out of it.This is getting hard.....too dificult...
ok, I cant write anymore......my brain hurts....I should get back to being numb........